Please Watch

I know you all were waiting with baited breath for another "discussion/rant".

But this.... This is not to be ignored.

What happens behind the scenes of media... and witness spinning in action.

I am disgusted by the use of the AIDS epidemic in the 90's as a veiled attempt at comparing it to the problems of America during that time.

And Pat Robertson will burn in Hell. No God could stand for that shit.

A Start

After reading Joe.My.God for the past couple days, from archive to archive...

Because I am a bisexual woman in a mostly Republican and slightly homophobic family...

You know what? I don't feel like I have to explain why I started this.

I can start with a couple need-to-know facts. I live in New Jersey. I am at the threshold of my twenties. I have a boyfriend. I'm Wiccan. I'm a liberal. I'm pro-choice. ...And I'm bisexual.

I'm... slightly peeking out of the closet, so to speak. At school, I'm pretty open in my identity. My roommates know, my friends know. My former roommates weren't told, but I'm sure they figured it out. It wasn't a loud-and-proud proclamation. It was a casual mention, usually framed by my one and only encounter with a girl... or, in actuality, the girl's lips.

My family, as well as my boyfriend's family, will never know. I toy with the idea of outing myself, hoping that that might break some false ideas. Hoping that the various members of my family who may be gay will take courage from it.

Then, I blow it. Take the conversation I had with my mother a couple days ago:

Scene: My mother's car

My mother and I were talking about something... It's amazing how the mind selects things to remember.

She started to grip the steering wheel, rubbing it as if she was giving the leather an Indian burn. "I'm worried," she started, keeping her eyes on the road and keeping the rhythm of her rubbing.
Letting out a breath, she continued. "The amount of time your sister is spending with [name withheld to protect the innocent] is starting to worry me. What if she's gay?"

My mind screeches to a halt. This is the big moment. The opening I've prayed for. My courage leaves me, and I fight to keep a nonchalant face. I utter the most ubiquitous teenage phrase ever: "So what if she is?"

"I just... she'll face so much discrimination."

"Mom, [Boy] and I have had our share of people taunting us about our relationship."

"It's different. This area's not ready for that. You wouldn't understand."

Yes! I want to cry, Yes, I do understand. I'm bisexual. The words hung in my throat, unsaid. The moment passed. And I hated myself.

You see, my mother's definition of bisexual is: You don't know you're bisexual until you've done something sexual with them. Which I think is horseshit. I've gotten the same type of response from my peers. "You can't be. You haven't had a relationship with a woman." I grit my teeth at these proclamations. Bisexual means having sexual thoughts and romantic thoughts about another person, whatever sex they are. I love my boyfriend. I regularly fuck my boyfriend. There, both criteria fulfilled. I am officially straight in America's eyes. I am part of the status quo, the normalies, the us versus the them.

But that's not me. My panties get wet, my heart starts beating faster.. for both sexes. And yes, I've fallen for women before. I've looked at women and laughed with them, noticing the smallest details. Isn't that a crush? Wanting to kiss them, caress them... isn't that love? I've felt love for a woman, then.

Not to mention the other-ness that bisexuals tend to get in most gay circles. I'm not quite a lesbian, not quite straight. They get mad when I support them as "one of us", especially when it comes to marriage equality. They tell me that because I am marrying this man, I'm not on their side.

From a conversation with a friend:
Her: I applaud you, by the way. It takes a hell of a lot of guts to admit to being bi.
Me: I've gotten crap for it because I've never had a relationship with a girl. I'm a "college lesbian", they say. Like, they think I'll grow out of it. [sarcasm] I'm sorry that I don't want to break up with the love of my life to satisfy some bullshit requirements.
Her: Not even that, but in my experience, bisexual people, especially women, are treated as social lepers. They're supposedly selfish, dangerous, heartbreakers. And that's in both the gay and straight communities. It's pretty much social suicide to come out as bi where I'm from.

It isn't fair.

I'm scared of confrontation, I'm afraid of making waves. I've never really stood for anything in my life.

But I'm starting to try now.